Alone, Together

Part 1

Chris examined his locker. He glanced down at the books he carried in his arms. Then he looked back up at the locker. He wanted to make sure he had everything. Ridiculous as it was, even after nearly four complete years of high school he still had difficulty remembering to bring all the necessary items to his various classes.

His real problem was adjusting to the high school atmosphere. When he first entered high school as a wide-eyed, meek and highly nervous freshman, everybody told him that he would adjust in time. That he would get used to the change from middle to high school.

But now he was a senior, and had yet to see that happen to him. He was still just as nervous and uneasy about it as he was on his first day nearly four years before. He heaved a great sigh and slammed his locker shut, having confirmed he had the correct books. He had suddenly remembered why he felt particularly flustered today.

There was just two weeks of school weeks. Two weeks, and then he was done. He was never going back to this place ever again. And while most kids would be absolutely thrilled to finally be in this position, Chris was not.

It wasn’t that he liked school. He didn’t. It was basically a living hell most days. But what worried him was what would come after school’s end. There would be more change. A lot of it. Far more than there had been simply making the transition from middle to high school.

Chris didn’t think he could handle that. It was taking him four years to even become slightly accustomed to a much simpler change. And now this was being sprung upon him seemingly out of nowhere.

There would be a summer job. Chris had never really had a job before. Then there would be college. Which would mean moving away. And staying in a dorm. Which would mean being away from those he cared about. Suddenly he felt nauseous. This was too much to bear.

He turned around and was met with a pair of bright green eyes looking at him. And then a smile. His stomach flipped. He couldn’t deal with this right now. He tried to get the meeting over with as soon as possible.

“Hi Jonny,” he mumbled, already turning on his heel to head to his next class. But his efforts were in vain. He felt a hand on his shoulder, holding him in place.

“Where are you off to so quickly?” Jonny chuckled. “I’ve never seen you so eager to go to math.”

“Well….you know…” Chris stuttered out weakly, turning around to face Jonny. He didn’t know what to say. He couldn’t tell Jonny that he was avoiding him. Then he would want to know why.

“Are we still hanging out after school today? At the usual place?”

“I don’t know. I think…I think I have some stuff to do at home. I’m sorry.”

Jonny crossed his arms and frowned. “Mmhm” he said suspiciously. “You seem to be extra busy lately. Any particular reason why?”

Chris shrugged and turned his gaze to the floor. “Not really. I…I’ve got to go. I don’t want to be late.” He turned back around and practically ran down the hall.

Jonny watched him go and his expression softened from a suspicious frown into a worried one. There was definitely something up with Chris. He only wished he knew what. But he didn’t want to invade on Chris’s privacy. He decided to allow him some time and some space to work it out on his own.

He smiled in a loving way. As soon as Chris needed him, if he did, Jonny knew he would be there to listen to Chris with open ears, mind, and heart. So for now he simply watched him go, as much as it hurt to do so.

------

Chris lay in his bed and just stared at the wall. It couldn’t have been past 8:30. But Chris had never had much of a social life. And with all of this avoiding Jonny, it was a rarity for him to even step foot from the house to go anywhere besides school. So he really had nothing else to do.

His eyes kept wandering to the photos that were stuck onto the walls here and there throughout his room. They were of him and Jonny. Most of them weren’t serious. Just the two of them making crazy faces into the camera. But every photo represented a different moment that they had shared together.

Chris surprised himself a little by feeling his throat tighten and tears build up in his eyes. He wasn’t ready to leave this behind him. He didn’t want to sacrifice more precious moments. And to Chris, every moment with Jonny was a precious one.

He turned to stare at his favorite photo. It was one of the few more serious shots, and it was just of Jonny. Chris had caught him unaware one summer evening while they were at the fair. The light had been just right and it had allowed Chris to capture a great image of Jonny’s profile.

His chest began to ache. He folded himself up in the bed and gripping his legs, he no longer fought back the tears. He cried until there were none left. He couldn’t make this change.

------

Jonny sat alone at the usual table. Their table. He sipped distractedly from his glass of iced tea. But eventually he just pushed it away. Going there just wasn’t the same without Chris. He checked his watch, then checked the door.

He sighed in frustration at his own ridiculousness. Chris had said he wasn't going to be there tonight. So why was he still wishing so badly that he'd change his mind?

Jonny knew deep down in his heart what the answer was. And it went beyond simply desiring to enjoy a social evening between two best friends.

He considered his options. He could let Chris work this out alone like he told himself he would. Or he could help him through whatever it was he was going through, no matter if Chris asked for it or not.

He thought about rude it would be to go knocking on Chris's door. It was dark now. How happy would his parents be about that? And then he thought about Chris. That terrible sadness that had been a main feature in his eyes for days now. How alone must he be feeling right now, at home in his room as he surely was?

Jonny stood up and rushed out the door and down the sidewalk until turning the corner onto Chris's street. He had made his decision.



Part 2

Chris stared out his window. Now it was truly nighttime. It was dark and the street was quiet. Chris felt his mind was a bit quieter too. Not as many thoughts ran through his head. The crying had done him some good after all.

He realized the rational thing to do was not avoid Jonny, but talk to him. He needed to tell Jonny how he felt. Maybe it wouldn't change the way things had to be, but it might give him some relief from this emotional torment he was under.

He reached for the phone. For a moment he just held it in his hands, his fingers hovering over the buttons. Finally he got the courage to press one of them. It made a low beeping sound that seemed to encourage Chris to keep going.

He pressed another, and another. Finally he had the entire number typed into the phone, and was about to press send when there was a knock at the door. Then the sound of footsteps. The door creaked open. Chris heard his mother's voice.
And then there was the sound of footsteps, but louder this time. They were coming towards him. His door opened.

"Can I come in?"

Chris dropped the phone in shock. "Sure," he replied weakly.

Jonny entered the room and flashed a small smile. Chris knew it must've been to make him feel better. But Jonny simply didn't know that every little thing like that made Chris feel worse. It wasn't his fault of course, but that didn't help Chris at all.

"What's up?" Chris asked meekly. He avoided Jonny's eyes like the plague. They were too green and too full of life. Every time Chris saw them it just reminded him that he would have to leave them.

"I wanted to talk to you about something."

"And that couldn't wait until Monday?" Chris asked. He didn't realize how nasty that sounded until after the words were already out of his mouth.

Jonny frowned. "You never want to talk to me at school any more. And besides, this is important."

"I'm sorry," Chris said.

"It's okay, I know you didn't really mean it in a bad way."

"No, I mean I'm sorry for the way I've been treating you lately. I shouldn't have been ignoring you."

"It's okay Chris. I understand. You've obviously been dealing with a lot lately. And that's why-" He stopped mid-sentence and scratched his head nervously. "Um..can I sit down?" he asked timidly, gesturing towards the bed where Chris sat.

Chris forced a smile. "Sure."

Jonny sat beside Chris and rested clasped hands on his lap. "The reason I came over here unannounced like this, which I am sorry for by the way, was because I know you've been feeling really upset about something lately. I don't know what it is, but I thought that if I told you something, it might help."

He took a deep breath. "Look at me Chris. I want you to know something."

Chris obeyed. He didn't really want to, but something in Jonny's tone told him that this was important.

"You've been my best friend for a long time. It's reached a point where I can't enjoy myself or anything else without you right there with me. And one day I recognized something-that point was the point when I stopped viewing you as a friend. I love you Chris. I have for some time now. I just didn't know it."

Chris stared at him, eyes wide and mouth agape. He wanted to speak, but couldn't find the words just yet.

"I'm sorry if that's weird or awkward for you. I don't want things to be like that between us. I just thought that if I told you how I feel, it might help...if you could remember that no matter what you are going through, I am always here for you and will always love you."

Chris decided that he either had to speak now, or pass out from the shock of it all. "I...wow," he managed weakly. But then he caught Jonny's gaze again. "I love you too," he said.

Now it was Jonny's turn to look shocked. But that didn't last long, for it was quickly replaced by a look of joy. "I never thought you'd actually feel the same way. This is...my feelings right now can't really be described with words."

Chris laughed nervously. "I know what you mean."

Without thinking, he rested his hand on Jonny's. Realizing what he had done, he nervously looked to Jonny for some sign of encouragement. With relief he noted that Jonny didn't seem to mind this gesture at all, but was smiling.

"I'll tell you why I've been feeling badly lately. I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner. I was actually about to though, just as you walked in here. The truth of it is, I have been thinking about how one this school year ends we will be going to different colleges and...I was terrified that we would drift apart. I've loved you for a long time Jonny, and I've been spoiled. I've gotten to spend almost every minute with who I love. I didn't want that to ever change."

"Oh Chris," Jonny said softly, "I'm so sorry. I should have guessed. I've been thinking about that too. But there's something else I've been thinking about too, something that came to my head just about a minute ago."

"Yeah?"

"Yes. I've been thinking...we both love each other, right?"

"Yes," Chris replied, with a large smile.

"Well, love knows no distance. And now...knowing that we both feel the same...I don't see any reason why we won't be able to retain our relationship no matter where we go. As a matter of fact, I think, if it's alright with you, I'd like to advance it."

"You mean like...date or something?"

"Well, we love each other. So yeah, I think that'd be the thing to do."

"Jonny....I would love that." He looked at him for a long time. "I feel closer to you already," he whispered.

"Come here," Jonny whispered back. He pulled Chris into a hug. Chris hugged him right back. Jonny could feel his sleeve becoming wet with Chris's tears. He knew Chris's sleeve must be wet too. And neither of them minded, for these were tears not of sadness, but of joy.

Joy because they had both finally gained the courage to admit their feelings. Joy because they found that they shared the same feelings. And joy because they knew through t their mutual love that they could still be alone and yet still be together.